


Through Her Eyes

by west_haven



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Gen, Spoilers, ending spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 08:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1144007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/west_haven/pseuds/west_haven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the ending of The Last of Us in Ellie's point of view. MAJOR spoilers for the ending, of course!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Through Her Eyes

I need to learn how to swim, I thought to myself ironically. Before it kills me.

That was when suddenly the underwater bus I was kneeling on lurched, ripping me from the door where Joel was still trapped inside. Panic exploded into my mind, not just from the inability to swim, but for Joel's safety as well. I absolutely cannot lose him.

The cold water shocked my body as it forced its way into my lungs, ears and eyes. I couldn't see, but I couldn't give up on Joel. He would fight for me, so I gotta fight for him. I guess one part of swimming has to be kicking, so my legs fought to get me right again. My clothes and shoes dragged me down, though, so it felt like I was moving though syrup.

I've been underwater way too long; I feel like I'm gonna burst.

Slowly, the world turned dark.

I can't die like this.

\---

I only had bits of consciousness after that.

A flash of Marlene's face. She looked so tired.

The sound of constant beeping, then gunshots. A sense of flying.

Suddenly I was waking up in the backseat of a car. It was deathly quiet and I could hardly move my body; why couldn't I move right?

"What the hell am I wearing?" It was thin cotton, hardly giving me any privacy. I felt naked without a hoodie and something to cover the ugly bite mark on my arm.

"Just take it easy," Joel answered from the driver's seat of the car. "The drugs are still wearing off."

"What happened?" The last thing I remember was almost drowning.  How can I go from that to drugged up in the back of a car? In fact, when did Joel get a car?

He was quiet for a moment. Time dragged to a halt during his silence.

"..... We found the Fireflies." His voice is hollow but his tone is firm. I can't read what his expression; he's still looking out at the empty road ahead.

"Turns out, there is ... a whole lot like you, Ellie. People who are immune-- there's dozens, actually."

What the hell is he saying?

"Ain't did a damn bit of good neither. They've actually s--" His voice broke. I've never heard him sound this weak. "They've stopped looking for a cure."

My eyes widened. I could already feel tears pooling around them.

"I'm taking us home."

No.

"I'm sorry."

I slowly rolled onto my side and curled into a ball in the backseat of the car. I wanted to close my eyes but I was afraid to fall asleep again. My hands curled into the front of the gown but then it felt like I touched something tacky. I looked down to see a tiny trace of blood on what I was wearing, now transferred a minute amount to my hands.

I wanted to ask Joel why there was blood on me, but I was too afraid of the answer I'd get. I remained silent for the entire car ride.

\---

My fingers traced the scar on my right arm, the raised bumps and light discoloration surrounding the large bite itself. It was an infected adult who bit me with their wide mouth and teeth. It didn't hurt anymore, so I sometimes forgot about it. But then I'd remember Riley who succumed to the infection before I did and the memories came roaring back.

Joel huffed and shut the car hood; apparently the joyride was now over.  Tommy's little community was only a short walk away anyway, so it didn't faze me a bit.

"Should be a straight shot through here."

"Alright."

I felt lost in my own world. Gone was the happy feeling that the giraffes gave me, gone was the hope of saving the world. It's only been a day, but I'm still trying to understand what Joel told me. What happened at Salt Lake City.

Joel told me a little bit about his daughter while we walked through the small forest, and I felt honored to hear it, but at the same time, I didn't feel like usual. Almost like I was already taking anything he said with a grain of salt. How could I think of him like that? He was Joel, my protector. He'd do anything for me.

And maybe that's the problem.

A fallen tree broke under Joel's weight as he climbed a small dirt wall, leaving me at the bottom. He knelt down with his arm outstretched to me, expecting me to take his hand.

I hesitated. He kept his hand out, ready for when I needed it. There was no rush in his eyes, no annoyance at all. I took a deep breath and then jumped up for his help.

He got me to the top and with a quick, "alright, c'mon," Joel was already walking away.

I wrung my hands in front of me, as if I was messing with invisible rings on my fingers.

"Hey wait." It took all my courage to say those two words. I knew it wouldn't get any easier, not this conversation.

I sighed deeply, inhaled and then fought to get the words started.

"Back in Boston. Back when I was bitten. I wasn't alone. My best friend was there. And she got bit too." Images of Riley bubbled in my mind. Her stealing my walkman, telling me about that arcade game. And then before the infection set in.

"We didn't know what to do. So.... she says, 'let's just wait it out. Y'know, we could be all poetic and lose our minds together'." I can still hear her saying it, after we found out about our infected bites.

"I'm still waiting for my turn."

Joel started to say my name, but I cut him off. "Her name was Riley and she was the first to die. And then it was Tess. And then Sam." With their names, I remember their last moments and my heart almost stops beating too.

"None of that is on you."

I quietly scoff at his words. Every day I think of them, and I think of what I could have done differently. How could he say it's not on me? "You don't understand."

"I struggled for a long time with surviving." Joel fidgets with his broken watch before continuing. "And you--no matter what.... You keep finding something to fight for."

He talks over my sigh, "Now I know that's not what you want to hear right now but it's--"

"Swear to me."

There is power in my words. It stops Joel's sentence cold. This is where it all changes.

"Swear to me that everything you said about the Fireflies is true."

Our eyes meet. He hardly hesitates before saying, "I swear."

I understand. I see how he's going to play this. I usually don't have a tolerance for lying, but I don't think I'm ready to face the truth, not entirely. My shot of saving the world was taken by Joel, who loves me so much he'd damn the world to be the slave of infection. Is my life worth more than the innumerable who will be turned into crazed monsters, forced to kill their loved ones in a blind hunger?

To Joel, it is.

Can love like that be wrong? Can I still trust him?

What can I do?

I may not agree with him entirely, but I do admire his strength. I want to be that strong, but not just for one person. I slowly nod, just a little bit.

"Okay."

I want to be strong for everyone.

**Author's Note:**

> There is no canon blood on her hospital gown, but I was kind of thinking that when you kill the first doctor (and since that is required), it wouldn't be too far-fetched that just a tiny bit splattered on her.


End file.
